You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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