Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
