Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
