what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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