you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ketchup is God's man juice
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
