I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the condom got lost in my hair
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
