I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
