I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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