that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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