we have pet lesbian snakes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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