Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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