whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
