Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
