1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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