Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
