Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
