I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
