my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need a beard to bite.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
