i can't believe i had my finger in that
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
