seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
