Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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