I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
