when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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