I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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