I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
