i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
