bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
