well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
