Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize