she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
