You're so nebulous sometimes
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
