if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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