im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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