We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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