I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
