i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize