They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
