Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
