i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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