So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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