i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
