Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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