I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
