I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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