Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
