Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
