i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
