his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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