yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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