An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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