I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
as a side note pls kill me
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
