You can't motorboat a personality
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
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SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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