I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
