Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
