My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
