Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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