Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
