Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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